This brings up the question: did or do I really need a man to validate my existence? To qualify my intentions as I set them?
I get two conflicting messages from current culture. The first is the remnants of the relatively modern belief that women are inferior to men and all women need a man to take care of them and tell them what to think. I do not agree with this whole message. The other message I receive from society is that I'm a strong, independent woman and I don't need no man. This too I do not accept as a whole.
While I know that women are just as capable, just as strong, just as powerful as men are, for myself I maintain a submissive relationship with men. I like to do as I'm told because I am afraid of leading the pack, of taking a stand, of being the boss. I know that my life experiences have made me this way and I have been essentially beaten into submission by circumstance. When I was younger, I was always described by my teachers as being a leader. The change started when the bullying began in fourth grade.
My new boyfriend doesn't want to control me. He wants me to be happy, and he will support me in finding that happiness in whatever way it happens to manifest. That's all I could hope for. I hope this one lasts.
