Twenty-Seventh

I am going to complete my mid-year review here. I am taking part in a wonderful year-long workshop called Manifest. I introduced you to it here at the end of 2013. It has been an inspiration to me throughout 2014 thus far, and I have been more productive and more intuitive than I have ever been. I credit Jessica and the wonderful women I’ve met in the workshop for at least a hefty percentage of my new productivity.

Let us begin.

1.    In the beginning of 2014, I said I wanted to amplify and create time for my writing. At the beginning of the year, I began my novel in earnest. It is now 5 chapters long and I will be finished by the end of the year, if all goes well. I also have ideas for two poetry books. I have started the first: a book of poetry with no set theme or meter. The second book will be erotic poetry. I hope to finish all three by the end of the year, but realistically only one project will be completed.

2.    At the beginning of 2014, I made some goals. The first was to finish my book. Still working on that one. The second was to become more spiritual. I have become more spiritual but it is in a way that will alienate me from nearly everyone from everywhere on the spiritual spectrum, so I will keep it secret, personal, and sacred. For now, anyway.

3.    My word of the year was Divinity. I separated from it and became a hardcore atheist for a few months, but I think it was necessary to shed me of all the preconceptions I had as a pagan and Goddess worshiper. I have a better idea of who I am, what I DO believe, and what virtues I want to manifest in my life now because of my foray into skepticism.

4.    I am still living my mission statement. I need to write a new one that demonstrates the values in my vision board I created recently.

5.    I separated from my crystal and animal guides for most of the year for the reasons in #3. I feel drawn to reconnect with Ametrine and Brown Bear once again.

6.    I wanted to bring peace and love and spirituality into my life. I feel I have accomplished this, although I know it will be a lifelong pursuit. As a bipolar borderline personality, I struggle to feel such emotions and sensations just as a matter of fact. But I have endeavored to know myself and to know others and to see the soul of every person who crosses my path.

7.    Maya Angelou defined success as:  “Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it.” I think she said it best. I think I am enormously successful if you take into account where I’ve been in my life, where I’m going, and where I’m at.

8.    I am a writer.

I have 400 followers on Twitter and growing by 50 followers a day.

My career has taken off in ways I never anticipated.

I have friends, real friends.

9.    Heather, I love you. Eternally You, Heather.

10.  I need to stay focused on writing. I need to examine my resolve and create as much of a routine as a right-brained creative can have and stick to it. I need to take responsibility for my actions and make sure I’m reaping the benefits of my decisions rather than suffering the consequences.

My Vision board:

Twenty-Sixth

Today, I bring you my submission for Velvet Verbosity's 100 word prompt for the week. The theme of the week was Faded. 

My stories tend to lean toward the darker side. Nonetheless, I hope you enjoy.

Suzanna

She took another sip of her whiskey, but decided to down the entire contents of the glass instead. She sighed as the burning sensation slipped down her throat into her belly. She turned away from the bar, slipping a $20 note to the bartender.

As she entered the bathroom, she stumbled, colliding with the automatic towel dispenser. “Fucking shit,” she muttered. She entered the handicap stall at the end of the row. As she lit up the lighter and placed it under the spoon, she sighed. When the syringe pricked her skin, she wondered when her life became so faded. 

Twenty-Fifth

Who amongst us shies away from risk? Is it cowardice or reasonableness that keeps those who keep themselves on the logical path?

Why do we take risks?

Financial gambles come in the form of investments. Should we buy that house? Should we sell our stock now or wait? In a world of buy, buy, buy, sell, sell, sell, it can be dizzying to consider our financial risks from a logical point of view. The financial landscape in the Western world is always changing. What might have seen a good purchase in the height of the housing bubble before the recession is now an underwater mortgage ruining the investment prospects of a young 30-something professional.

Even in college we take risks. Should we declare our major as freshmen and lock ourselves into that educational pursuit for the next 4-8 years? Or do we busy ourselves in the haze of prerequisites and hope inspiration for our futures comes in the form of English 101?

Nowhere else in our lives do we take the most risks and make the most dangerous bets than in love. Finding The One™ is, for many if not most of us, the primary goal of our lifetimes. To find a mate to connect with, present a united front with the one person in the world who knows you against society and all expectations the rest of us ask of you. That’s what we want, and it’s human and good to want it. Perhaps that is why we are willing to sacrifice every temporary happiness in an effort to not only find, but secure our partner for life.

As for myself, I will always choose risk. That has been my admittedly misguided M.O. for my entire life. I won’t stop now.

**Lyrics from "I See Fire" by Ed Sheeran

Twenty-Fourth

As I've been lacking in inspiration for both my novel and my blog (and I sincerely apologize for that, you guys, you know I do) I have decided that on days I cannot come up with a topic or theme I will complete a short story prompt for you to enjoy.

I found a weekly 100 word challenge at Velvet Verbosity. Every week, she chooses a theme and challenges writers to write a 100 word story for it. This week's theme was Whistling.

Here is my story. Title: Danny

Danny crossed the street at the intersection of Orion and Pine.  The sky was vividly blue, rare for Seattle. He smiled up at the azure canopy and began to whistle as he drew closer to home. The melody had been with him for weeks, haunting his dreams. 

He was lost in the tune and he didn’t see the car coming. Danny stepped into the street, whistling clearly. When his legs broke, so did his song. His skull shattered the windshield and his blood coagulated there as he rolled off the hood.  He could still hear the melody as he died.

Twenty-Third

Men. I have a new boyfriend who understands my darkness. Understands my weakness. When I can't pay my bills and I struggle to take care of myself, he doesn't lecture me. He inspires me to do better, to problem solve, he never tells me I have to be more independent, he doesn't tell me I'm not marriage material. 

This brings up the question: did or do I really need a man to validate my existence? To qualify my intentions as I set them? 

I get two conflicting messages from current culture. The first is the remnants of the relatively modern belief that women are inferior to men and all women need a man to take care of them and tell them what to think. I do not agree with this whole message. The other message I receive from society is that I'm a strong, independent woman and I don't need no man. This too I do not accept as a whole. 

While I know that women are just as capable, just as strong, just as powerful as men are, for myself I maintain a submissive relationship with men. I like to do as I'm told because I am afraid of leading the pack, of taking a stand, of being the boss. I know that my life experiences have made me this way and I have been essentially beaten into submission by circumstance. When I was younger, I was always described by my teachers as being a leader. The change started when the bullying began in fourth grade.

My new boyfriend doesn't want to control me. He wants me to be happy, and he will support me in finding that happiness in whatever way it happens to manifest. That's all I could hope for. I hope this one lasts.