This brings up the question: did or do I really need a man to validate my existence? To qualify my intentions as I set them?
I get two conflicting messages from current culture. The first is the remnants of the relatively modern belief that women are inferior to men and all women need a man to take care of them and tell them what to think. I do not agree with this whole message. The other message I receive from society is that I'm a strong, independent woman and I don't need no man. This too I do not accept as a whole.
While I know that women are just as capable, just as strong, just as powerful as men are, for myself I maintain a submissive relationship with men. I like to do as I'm told because I am afraid of leading the pack, of taking a stand, of being the boss. I know that my life experiences have made me this way and I have been essentially beaten into submission by circumstance. When I was younger, I was always described by my teachers as being a leader. The change started when the bullying began in fourth grade.
My new boyfriend doesn't want to control me. He wants me to be happy, and he will support me in finding that happiness in whatever way it happens to manifest. That's all I could hope for. I hope this one lasts.
There has to be a healthy medium in between both extremes. Do you need a man? No. Are you able to be fiercely independent? Yes. But having a partner to stand firm with you no matter the circumstances, to support you when you need it, and that you can support when he is in need is an absolutely incredible thing to have.
ReplyDeleteI come from the fiercely independent side. On the one hand, when I was younger, I was so desperate to be loved that I allowed myself to be manipulated into doing things to keep them happy. But on the other, I never wanted them to pay for things, or to be involved in my life. After I broke free of the manipulation streak, I found that I became even more independent, and it was difficult for me to really fully commit to a relationship.
It's all about a give and take, and that's what I had to learn. Yes, I can take care of myself, no I don't need a man -- but for most men, one of their innate desires is that they be able to take care of and provide for you. For me, that means sometimes bottling up that independence and letting my husband take the lead. But, it also means him knowing that I need to be independent and that there are times that I need to be the one providing.
If he is willing to help you to be happy and help support you, then that is a great thing to find :). I hope this one lasts for you as well.