Fifth

Over rock and chain

Over sunset plain

Over trap and snare

When you're in too deep

In your wildest dream

In your made up scheme

When they knock you down

When they knock you down

Don't break character

You've got so much heart

Is this real or just a dream?

Oh Rise up like the sun

And labor till the work is 

Rise up like the sun

Labor till the work is done

This hasn’t been the greatest week for me, or month for that matter. I haven’t been able to work in the past three weeks because I’ve been so sick. I am completely broke. I haven’t made the wisest choices financially lately, and so I am probably going to be overdrafted in a few days. I need to get my shit together.

I was off of my medications for five days because I left them at my apartment while I stayed with my boyfriend for a few days. I need to stop doing that.

I haven’t been in a spiritual state of mind. I acknowledged the full moon, and greeted Her. “Hello, Lady Luna” I said. This happens when I’m off my meds. I can’t see the magick in anything. I can’t feel my spirit guides, God, Goddess, nothing. My flesh doesn’t tingle with ecstasy as I marvel at the vastness of the sky or at the perfect profiles of the trees against the open spaces.

I received a preliminary diagnosis yesterday of Multiple Sclerosis and also a tumor on my pituitary gland. I am shocked. I thought maybe my bipolar was making me be an attention whore drama queen. I was the only person who was taking my symptoms seriously. I suppose I feel validated by the diagnosis but at the same time – I am extremely worried. It is hard enough to get through the day after dealing with my bipolar disorder, but to have such a heavy physical diagnosis to deal with as well…Well. I suppose my strength will be tested.

And even though I don’t feel Her right now, I know Goddess is with me.

**Lyrics from "Be Still" by The Killers